When Your Marriage Is at a Crossroads

Some couples come to therapy when their marriage is in serious distress. Divorce may have been discussed, one partner may be questioning the future of the relationship, one of you may be strongly leaning out, while the other is leaning in, or you may have already completed Discernment Counseling and decided to make a focused effort to repair your marriage.

I work with couples who have chosen to give their relationship a serious attempt before making a final decision about its future.

A Six-Month Commitment to the Relationship

In Discernment Counseling, one possible path forward is to take divorce off the table for approximately six months and make an all-out effort to restore the marriage through couples therapy and individual change.

This is the stage of the process where I work with couples.

I have completed the full Discernment Counseling training, so I understand the framework and the work that may have brought you to this decision. I do not offer Discernment Counseling. Instead, I work with couples who have decided to commit to a period of focused couples therapy and see what can change when both partners fully engage in the process.

How I Help

Using Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), I help couples understand the patterns that have contributed to the deterioration of their relationship and begin changing what happens between them.

We look at the negative cycle between you, significant injuries or unresolved experiences that have accumulated over time, and the emotions and attachment needs that have become difficult to express or respond to.

This work involves both the relationship and each person within it. Both partners are asked to look honestly at their own patterns, choices, and contributions and to make meaningful individual changes while also working together to create a different relationship.

As part of the six-month process, I may also meet individually with each partner. These sessions allow us to identify other areas of life that may be affecting the marriage or need attention, including parenting, physical health, mental health, substance use, career, and significant life stressors. When additional or specialized support is needed, I make appropriate referrals so those concerns can be addressed alongside the couples work.

What the Six Months Is For

The purpose of the six months is not to guarantee a particular outcome. It is to give the marriage a meaningful period of focused work before making decisions about its future.

During this time, we work toward reducing destructive patterns, addressing relationship injuries, strengthening emotional connection, and creating a more secure and responsive relationship. At the same time, each partner works on the personal changes that are important to the health of the relationship.

At the end of the process, the goal is for you to have a clearer understanding of your marriage after having given it a serious and sustained effort.